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Ryan Mccasilen, ex-trumpet player of Channel 59 has stabbed him self in the balls at least times every day (and maybe even more) with a chop stick since he was 12! when he does it he crys and his penis bleeds!!! He does it everywhere like at the movies or while waiting on line for Elton John tickets!!!!!!!!

True Stories About the Members of Channel 59

ALL NEW TRUE STORIES as of 9/17/99!!!These stories are true. THEY ARE NOT LIES. They are soooo true. So get ready to be amazed and fascinated. If you hear from some one that these stories are untrue then you tell that person that they're a dirty liar and that they should die and go to hell. These stories are true.

Greg has a really nice camera. He takes pictures all the time. He has lots og pictures of lots of things. Including a picture of all his aunts vaginas.


Nick has really weird animal porno. Bizzare stuff like monkies pissing into there own mouths. HE REALLY DOES! We didn't rip this off of Tom Green! He really did had that.
Matt sometimes likes to pretend that he's Ringo Starr. Lots of times we hear hims saying things like "Hey pre-adolesant girls, I'm Ringo Starr. Have sex with me." Other times we here him say "Hey pre-adolesant girls, I'm Matt Nardi, have sex with me."
Wyane, trombone, can do this really weird thing with his arm. He tears a hole in it and puts stuff in it like baseball cards or weird animal pornography.
Tim knows every line from the movie "Pretty in Pink." He's always dancing and singing the theme songs and rubbing his chest and croch area while doing it.
Dans legs sometimes start bleeding out of nowhere, like right by the knne caps.
AJ met this really hi tec fancey robot and they went out to dinner. Well, one thing let to another and now the Robot is at every practice and shows and it goes where ever AJ goes. We won't mind the robot that much it's just that it smells bad and is in the shape of a giant penis. It makes us feel awkward at resturantes and stuff.
Steve, our trumpet player, is really into furniture. He's always making us stop at Ikea so he can sit on their couches and stuff.
Nick (tenor sax) deficates a fine brown powder. We didn't believe him but then he showed us. It was really gross. We feel sorry for him that he craps powder but his family saves thousands upon thousands of dollars on toliet paper every year becuase of Nick little "problem."
Dan (vocals)likes butt. If there was one thing we could say about him it would be that he sure likes to touch butt holes. He likes them a lot, so much in fact that we'll see feces on his fingers and say "Dan, have you had your hand in your ass hole again?" Usually he just shrugs and gets really red. Its really gross, when you borrow a pencil from him in class and its covered in shit. We have to try not to look like it bothers us that much, so he doesnt cry. Behind his back we call him Captain Colon. But none the less, its still really nasty. He cant help it. What can I say, the boy loves butts.
Whenever AJ (guitar) hears a bell he punches himself in the genitals for 20 minutes(really hard too)!!! After he's done punching himself in the balls he comes out of his daze and then the pain sets in. We try to keep him away from bells but sometimes our enemies sneak up on us and AJ is trapped in a world of pain and ball punching.
Matt (bari and alto sax) has no teeth. He toar them all out with a pair of pliers on day. We bet that he couldn't do it. Boy were we wrong. He pulled them suckers out so fast that he only swallowed a few mouthfulls of blood!!! Good job Matt, we are proud of you. He doesn't wear dentures either, we just painted new teeth on to his gums.
Ryan (trumpet) eats tampons. It's really gross. We beat the crap out of him for it. We say "Hey Ryan, that's gross." We also say "That's gross Ryan, you don't know where thats been." Then he comes back with some wise ass comment like "I found it in the lake!" or "Some nice man gave it to me."
Erin (piano) is always telling dirty jokes and showing Ryan pictures of naked ladies. It offends us that she does this. Ryan is always very grossed and runs into the bathroon becuase it makes him so sick. Erin drinks beer and does drugs to. She is always leaving her drugs and booze around and she is also a pimp. We are say "Erin, stop pimpin' your hoes and get to Deja 1! We have a show with Step Livley." Then she says "I'll cut Step Lively. Step Lively better step off or their liver will taste my blade!!!
Tim (drums) hunts squirrels. He stalks them, then when they are most vulnerable he pounces on them and fights them to the death. He only lost once. He died. It's hard having a drummer that is dead. We call him up and say "Hey Tim!! Where the fuck are you. We have a show." And the rat doesn't even return our calls. Tim your an ass hole.
Jeff (bass) has the largest collection of ass lubricant in the world. He doesn't use it. He just think's it smells pretty. He has over 4,520 differt kinds of lubricant for the anus. Once a guy said "I have a lot of Ass Lubricant" and then Jeff said "I have more."
These are the true stories. There are more to come so get ready soon!!!!